id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
