he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
