I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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