i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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