Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
