As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm really busy with my period
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