Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
