watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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