I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
