Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
