I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
so much tequila, so little girl.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
