Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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