weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
