ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
