if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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