I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
