talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
