He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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