Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
