So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
