You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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