just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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