new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
