Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
