sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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