is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
