Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He shit in the fireplace
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
