I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
