She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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