Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
