it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just want to make out with him forever
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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