Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
