I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
