Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
