wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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