Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
