Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
