is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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