I'm jealous of your bromance
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Found the puke drawer
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
