Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
