As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
