Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
