Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
