I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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