If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
