Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Someone shattered a urinal.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
