We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
