I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The beer is more important than you right now.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
