i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
