Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
