got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
